Naruto and Sai are Sailor Mouths?
by Ozuma and Blank's Lil' Kitten
Summary: Parody of the hilarious SpongeBob SquarePants episode, Sailor Mouth. Starring Naruto as SpongeBob and Sai as Patrick. Also included is Jiraiya as Mr. Krabs. Includes a cute little epilogue with Gaara at the end as a bonus. Paragraphing fixed.


Heh heh, this story idea came to me this very afternoon and I just had to write it down; I've not written a parody in ages, so I might be really rusty… Oh well, let's see what happens, shall we?

Before I say anything else, let me say right here and now that I have never ever written for the character Sai, so if you see any OOC-ness, there's my excuse right there! (anyhow, this is a humor/parody story, so I should be in the clear… I hope…)

To be honest, I'd always wanted to make a parody of the _Sailor Mouth_ episode and put it on YouTube, but since I have no idea how, I decided to go for the next best thing: writing it!

Now read, my pretties! Read! _insert cheesy evil laughter here_

Character Roles Are: (dum dum dum!)  
French Narrator - Himself (the lack of the French Narrator was all that kept this episode from being perfect)  
Naruto - SpongeBob (for obvious reasons)  
Sai - Patrick (when you stop and think about it, Sai is so much like Patrick, it's almost scary! They're both blissfully innocent but so gosh-darned lovable! _huggles Sai and Pat_)  
Jiraiya - Mr. Krabs (I REALLY had no idea who to give this role to, so I decided to give it to everyone's favorite pervert)  
Sakura ~ Squidward (normally, I see Sakura as Sandy, but since Sandy wasn't in this episode, I decided to give her Squiddy's role)

The rest aren't so important, so I need not mention 'em. Take it away, boys! Er… and girl…

Title: Naruto and Sai are… Sailor Mouths?  
Warnings: Comedy, tons of insanity and plenty of randomness. Sane people, beware!  
Pairings: Um, what pairings? I guess if you squint enough, you might catch some NaruSaku references, but none really…

Disclaimer: I wish that I did, but I simply don't own either Naruto or SpongeBob! If I did own Naruto, Gaara woulda had the screen-time he really deserves, the name Sasuke wouldn't be said every two minutes (literally!), and Sai would've been with Team 7 right from the very beginning, bless his clueless heart. And, if I owned SpongeBob, the show wouldn't have gone down the drain with its seasons past series 3, where SpongeBob and Patrick went from being lovably dopey to plain retarded. (complete with gross humor… Why have all cartoons become like that, seriously?)

Random Author's Ramblings…  
I just saw this clip where Gai-sensei convinces Sai to wear one of those icky green jump-suit thingies, and he looked SO hilarious! (apparently, it not only gives people the power of youth, but the amazing ability to have really shiny teeth! When Sai did it, I nearly fell off my chair laughing - still, contrary to what Sakura said, he also looked so adorable in it!) Now Gai-sensei's army is complete!

Whenever you see the narration written in Italics, it means that it's the French Narrator speaking.

Story Will Commence… **wait for it!** NOW!

_Ah, Konoha. So big, so wonderful. Here, it's home to one of the land's finest restaurants, the Better Than Ichiraku's Ramen Shop, recently established by the world's greatest (and oldest) pervert, Jiraiya-sama.  
_

_Let's take a closer look…_

"Well, it's the worst time of the day once again," sighed Jiraiya sadly, watching the last lovely customer go out the door, "Closing time…"

With a sad moan, he switched the "open" sign to "close", which also bore the words: "_if you're a foxy chick, feel free to call me on my home number; 1-800-WHOA-MAMA_".

"Okay, I'm outta here, Pervy Sage! See ya in the AM!" said Naruto oh-so happily.

'My fantasy's come true! I'm finally working in a ramen shop! I'm so awesome!'

His thoughts were interrupted as said perverted fellow grabbed him by the collar of his orangey sweatshirt and held him a few inches above the floor.

"Hold it right there, Naruto! Take that pile of filth out with you," ordered Jiraiya, pointing at his other employee, Sakura, who happened to be holding a really stinky bag of garbage.

Naruto gasped, feeling quite insulted at Jiraiya's harsh words.

"Pervy Sage, you shouldn't talk about Sakura-chan like that!"

"He means this filth, you looney!" screamed Sakura pointing at the super-smelly plastic bag, for once not pummelling him within an inch of his life.

"POUND HIM! POUND HIM! HE MUST DIE!" bellowed Inner Sakura, shaking her imaginary arms in the air.

_Ah, kids. So innocent, so sweet, so dumb. They can't get dumber than this, folks…  
_

_Or can they? Let us see…_

"Takin' out the trash, takin' out the trash," sang Naruto as he merrily dumped the bag in the dumpster.

Dusting off his hands, he noticed something on the dumpster.

"Ooh… Dumpster writing! The voice of the people!"

He began to read: "_Up with manga! Down with anime!_" Naruto started laughing like a maniac, even though he had no idea what the heck that meant.

He read another: "_Crazy fangirls have feelings too!_ Pfft, fangirls…" then another: "_Sakura smells_." Completely misinterpreting the message, Naruto thought that the person forgot to finish what they'd been writing, so he decided to be a good Samaritan and do it for them: "_good._" At that, he began to chortle like a buffoon.

Suddenly, he came across one about his boss, but he couldn't make heads or tails of it.

"Let's see, _Jiraiya is a __**censored!**_"

"Do you kiss your mother with that mouth!" scolded the garbage-man, taking the trash bags.

"Actually, I don't know who…" the abhorred garbage-man had already left, though, "my mother is… Hm…"

"Hello, Mr. Garbage-man! Hello, Naruto-kun!" greeted Sai in his oh-so polite manner.

"Oh hi, Sai!" (oh noes! It's a rhyme!)

"Sai, ya know what this word means?" Naruto asked cluelessly, putting his finger under the fascinating word.

Sai leaned over Naruto's shoulder to take a closer look. He tucked a hand under his chin and read it slowly and carefully so as to really absorb the word.

"JI-RA-IYA… Um, isn't that the old pervert you work for?"

"No, no! Not that word; this one here!" Naruto corrected.

"_**Censored!**_" Sai read the word just as carefully, then remembered something.

"I know just what it means. I saw it in a most fascinating book once. It's a sentence-enhancer," the ANBU said, nodding his head proudly.

"What's a sentence-enhancer?" asked Naruto, liking this word as much as the one that was describing Jiraiya.

"You use it when you wish to talk 'fancy,'" said Sai knowledgeably.

"Oh! Like Lee!"

"Yes, you just sprinkle the word over everything that you say, and whoosh! You will have yourself a spicy sentence sandwich," said Sai happily, not even realizing he'd said the word, 'whoosh'.

"Okay then, let me try!" Naruto shouted excitedly, then cleared his throat. "Ahem! Hello, Sai! Lovely _**censored**_ day we're having, isn't it?"

"Why yes it is, Naruto-kun!" Sai joined in, "This _**censored**_ day is particularly _**censored**_ lovely!"

"How _**censored **_right you are, Sai!" Naruto continued, clearly having fun.

"_**Censored censored censored!**_" conversed Sai, unable to stop repeating this newfound and wonderful word.

"_**Censored censored censored!**_" agreed Naruto.

"_**Censored censored censored!**_" finished Sai.

"Wow, you're right, Sai! My mouth is really tingling with the spiciness of this conversation!" said Naruto with a goofy smile.

"Mine too!" giggled Sai, unaware that he was even giggling (like a dope, I may add).

The two continued to laugh hopelessly together, passers-by mistaking them for drunken lunatics, and quickly walking past them, fearing their wackiness might be contagious.

"It tickles when I laugh!"

And the two just kept on laughing all the way home.

_Remember this lesson, folks. If you ever discover a new word, never let people like Naruto and Sai tell you what it means. It will bring nothing but trouble and grief, but mostly trouble.  
_

_Let's see what happens the next day…_

Naruto kept on repeating his newfound word over and over, completely missing the glares and disapproving looks he got from everyone.

'This sentence-enhancer is so much fun! I'm gonna make it my new catchphrase!' he thought to himself cheerfully, opening the doors to _Better Than Ichiraku's Ramen Shop_.

"Hi, customers! Nice _**censored**_ day we're having, huh?" Naruto greeted the restaurant's many patrons, making them gasp in horror and choke on their food.

"Gasp! Did he just say…?" asked a pirate. (since when do scurvy pirates travel in Konoha?)

"Aye, he did!" answered the captain. 'Next time, we'll definitely take our pillaging elsewhere!'

"'Morning, Sai! How the _**censored**_ are ya?" Naruto asked his teammate, who'd recently discovered the joys and wonders of slurping a giant bowl of ramen every morning.

Setting his big bowl down, he answered politely, "Pretty _**censored**_ good, Naruto-kun!"

"Well, I thought this was a restaurant, not a gutter-mouth convention!" mumbled a really old fellow, wanting to wash the hooligans' mouths out with really strong soap.

Tapping the mic with his fingers, Naruto delivered his message of the special menu of the day, which went something like this:

"Attention, customers! Today's special is a _**censored**_ big bowl of really _**censored**_ spicy ramen, served with a _** censored**_ side of _**censored**_ sushi platter! And don't forget to _**censored**_ ask us to _**censored**_ fry your _**censored**_ noodles! It'll be our _**censored**_ pleasure!"

At that point, several customers had already left, their ears bleeding severely, while children were laughing hysterically until the parents did whatever it took to stop them from listening, including shoving their heads in the garbage bins.

Her jaw glued to the floor, Sakura stopped what she'd been doing and made her way to the counter.

"Hi, Sakura-chan! How the _**censored**_ are ya?" asked Naruto happily.

"Nice _**censored**_ day, isn't it, Sakura-san?" joined in Sai with his trademark smile, which is also copyrighted by law.

"I don't get it! Naruto's so talented! He doesn't have to work blue!" said Asuma-sensei.

"Let's go somewhere more family-oriented," agreed Kurenai-sensei, appalled at having to listen to such language.

With that, everyone that was still there left furiously.

In Jiraiya's office, the Customer Alarm began to shriek wildly, causing him to drop his Weekly Konoha / Suna Playboy magazine.

He let out a frightened and uncharacteristically high-pitched gasp/squeal as he saw all his patrons leave the restaurant. "The _Better Than Ichiraku's Ramen Shop_! She's empty!"

'Wait, since when do restaurants have genders?'

Without any time to ponder further on that, Jiraiya quickly rushed to the main area of the restaurant, flailing his arms about in a crazy fashion.

"All hands on deck! Mantle the front doors! Brace the cash register! Break out the happy snacks!" screamed Jiraiya, he himself not even knowing what the heck he was babbling about.

'What are happy snacks?' wondered Sai in absolute fascination. He was learning so many things every day!

Jiraiya interrupted the ANBU's psycho thoughts when he desperately asked, "Sakura! Where have all my literally beautiful customers gone?"

Giving a scolding look to her two idiot and blissfully clueless teammates, she answered, "Well, Jiraiya-sama, looks like the two Gutter-Mouth Brothers have learned a new word. And moron Naruto just said it over the intercom."

"Well, what was it? What did he say?" asked Jiraiya impatiently.

"Um, he said, well," Sakura began, her face turning a bright pink to match her hair. Shaking her head, she hurriedly whispered the word in Jiraiya's ear.

"Huh?"

She whispered it again, now wanting to wash her own mouth out with really strong soap. 'If Tsunade-sama ever heard of this, she'd pummel me all the way to the sun!' she thought in fright.

"WIMP! WIMP! BE TOUGH, LIKE ME!" shouted and danced Inner Sakura.

Jiraiya shoved the schizophrenic girl aside and rushed angrily to Naruto and Sai, who were STILL grinning like doofuses.

"Naruto and What's-Your-Face! Get over here at once!" bellowed the old man.

Suddenly frightened and confused at the sage's anger, the two boys did as they were told, shaking like leaves.

"Why is Jiraiya-sama so _**censored**_ angry, Naruto-kun?" whispered Sai in fear and confusion.

"Beats the _**censored**_ outta me, Sai," whispered back Naruto in even more fear and confusion.

"Are you brats listening to me!" shouted Jiraiya ferociously, nearly making the two Shinobi wet their pants.

Gathering his courage back, Naruto piped up, "But Pervy Sage, we were only using our sentence-enhancers!"

"Yes, it's fancy-talk," continued Sai.

"There's nothing fancy about that word!" Jiraiya screamed in outrage.

"You mean _**censored**_?" both Naruto and Sai asked.

"Yes, that one! Now stop saying that! It's a bad word!" the old sage said in a scolding voice as Sakura shook her head in disbelief.

Naruto and Sai looked at each other in horror, then…

"BAD WORD?" they cried in unison. With that, they stuck out their tongues and began wiping them clean with their hands, groaning and moaning and wishing they had a bar each of really strong soap.

"Yessiree, that's bad word number 11. In fact, there are 13 bad words you should never use," informed Jiraiya in all his wisdom.

"Don't you mean there are only 7?" asked Sakura, trying to figure out why she was surrounded by such freaks.

"Not if you're a pervy sage," chuckled the old coot.

"Wow… 13…" mumbled Naruto.

"That's a lot of _**censored**_ bad words," muttered Sai lost in wonderment.

"Okay, boys. I want you to promise me you'll never use that word again," smiled Jiraiya wrapping an arm around each of the two boys' shoulders.

"We promise," Naruto and Sai er, promised.

_Ah, youth. So naïve, so simple. But have they learned the error of their ways? Let's see if they really will keep their promise…_

"Phew! I sure am glad old Pervy Sage told us that word we were using was a bad one!" Naruto said happily, sitting on the floor of his pigsty of a house.

"I agree. Classy sophisticates like us should never stain our lips with cursing," said Sai with his copyrighted smile plastered all over his face.

"Now, let's play a nice and wholesome game of _Frogs and Snakes_," Naruto said placing his board-game on the very little space that was left on the floor.

"Yay! My favorite," Sai cheered, very much unaware he'd said the word 'yay!'. Tsk, tsk… What would the other ANBU members think of this?

"Come on, Sakura-chan needs a new pair of ninja sandals!" Naruto cheered himself on and threw the dice.

"Oh my, snakes… Too bad, Naruto-kun. You'll have to ride the snakes," grinned Sai in good sportsmanship.

"Poop!" grumbled Naruto, and moved his piece, which looked like a super-cute chibi Hinata.

"My turn… Yay!" Sai said yet again, "Frogs! Hop! Hop! Hop!" He continued to squeal like an extra preppy schoolgirl as he moved his own piece, a cavity-inducingly adorable chibi Gaara.

'Stupid Sai…' Naruto thought glaring daggers into his friend, who was now doing some kind of dance that looked like a diseased version of the Hokey Pokey.

"Come on… Frogs, frogs, frogs… Argh! Snakes again…!" he whined, moving his chibi Hinata along another snake.

"My turn," Sai interrupted, holding his tongue out in sheer concentration as he rolled the dice… "Frogs!" he cheered, moving chibi Gaara triumphantly on the second frog.

"Frogs! Frogs! Frogs! Snakes?" cried Naruto in frustration, now wanting to smash the board in half on Sai's head.

"Fr-ogs!" boasted Sai, making Naruto even madder and in danger of his head exploding.

"This is your last chance, Naruto-kun. If you get snakes again, you'll lose," smirked Sai in victory.

Naruto glared at the image of a creepy chibi Orochimaru that had the words 'You Lose!' printed on his super-long tongue.

"AH! FROGS! FROGS! FROGS!" he screamed, his eyes beginning to turn red.

The dice rolled in the air in super-slow-motion, Naruto biting on his nails the whole time. He let out a triumphant laugh and pointed at Sai, "HA! I got frogs!"

The dice then completely defied the laws of physics and gravity and rolled once more just to annoy the Kyuubi-boy.

"Hm, it looks like a snake to me, Naruto-kun." Sai was left absolutely fascinated by the dices' magical act, but Naruto literally had steam coming out of his ears.

"Why you, _**censored!**_"

Sai let out a loud gasp of utter horror.

"Oh! You said number 11!" he accused.

Naruto began to tremble. "Wait, I didn't mean…! You gotta understand, Sai! What I meant to say was…! Some things just slip out! I didn't mean it, Sai! You gotta understand!" the blonde begged.

"It is okay, Naruto-kun. I understand," Sai said comfortingly.

_A few seconds later…_

"JIRAIYA-SAMA!" Sai ran out of the house screaming at the top of his lungs. (he's on a roll, isn't he?)

"WAI! Come on, Sai! Please don't tell!" Naruto shouted chasing after the artist.

"But you said _**censored!**_" Sai re-accused, then covered his mouth in fright.

"HA! AHA! Now I'm gonna tell Pervy Sage on you!" bellowed the Genin in glee.

"Not if I tell on you first!" Sai challenged.

The chase was on…

"Ha! I can run faster than you!" Naruto sneered, but then…

"See you at the _Better Than Ichiraku's Ramen Shop_!" teased Sai as he rode quite gracefully on one of his ink birds; that is until he slammed into the trunk of a really big and conveniently-placed tree, effectively covering himself in several ouchies and boo-boos. He really should have been watching where he was flying, instead of laughing like a psychotic fool.

Not bothering to check if his teammate was still among the living, he burst through the doors of the restaurant at record speed.

"Jiraiya! Jiraiya! Jiraiya!" screamed Naruto, gasping for air.

"What! What! What!" shouted Jiraiya, hiding his _Porn for Dummies_ behind his back.

"Sai! Sai! Sai!" Naruto continued to scream frantically.

"Yes! Yes! Yes!" shouted Jiraiya, feeling quite certain his employee had gone completely insane, so began to consider potential new candidates for the job. 'How about that Anko chick?'

"He said…! He said…! He said…!" shouted Naruto, interrupting the old fart's rather naughty thoughts.

"Out with it, boy!" Jiraiya scorned impatiently.

"Me and Sai were playing _Frogs and Snakes_, and he was going up, up, up, and I had to ride the snakes, then we ran, and then Sai… He said some things…" Naruto said in a super-fast voice, lowering it slightly as he reached the end of his tragic, tragic tale.

"What kind of things?" Jiraiya demanded, giving Naruto a most terrifying look. Not as terrifying as Captain Yamato's, but it was way up there.

"Well, he said…" Naruto began nervously.

"Yes…?"

"Well, um…" with that, he confessed everything faster than the speed of light, "Let's just say that he said a certain word that you said he shouldn't say, and this particular word happened to be word number 11 in the list of thirteen words that you said shouldn't be said." With that, his brain began to hurt and fizzle slightly in his head.

Jiraiya was feeling much the same as he tried to ask, "Right, what was that you said, about the whatever it is you just said…?"

Before Jiraiya could finish his question that didn't even make sense, Sai finally ran through the doors, covered from head to toe in Scooby Doo band-aids. He joined Naruto's side, gasping for air. I'm feeling a bit of déjà vu comin' on…

"Jiraiya-sama! Jiraiya-sama! Jiraiya-sama!" Sai finally breathed out.

'No! I can't bear this again!' Jiraiya mentally shrieked.

"He said that thing you said he shouldn't say!" they said together, pointing accusing fingers at each other. After that, all Jiraiya heard was: "BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA!"

Without warning, the sage covered the two boys' mouths firmly. Taking a moment to enjoy the sweet silence, he growled, "Now I'm going to uncover your mouths. And when I do, I want you to CALMLY tell me what you boys need to tell me. UNDERSTAND!"

The two Shinobi nodded their heads timidly.

The moment the man's hands came off, they (calmly) cried, "He said _**censored!**_"

For the second time that day, Jiraiya let out a high-pitched gasp/squeal.

"Do my ears deceive me? You boys should be ashamed! Time to take out the trash." With that, he grabbed them both by the collars of their tops and dragged them out of his restaurant.

_Looks like our silly friends Naruto and Sai not only didn't learn their lesson, but have now discovered the harsh reality of what happens to people who squeal and tell on each other.  
_

_Let us see what awaits our two bumbling and clueless heroes…_

"I thought I made it perfectly clear," Jiraiya began to scold the two boys, who were trembling in terror, Naruto hiding and squirming behind Sai's back. "Never, and I mean, never, use number 11 or any of the 13 bad words."

He eyed them scornfully.

"Now the both of you wait right here," he said pointing one finger down at the ground, "I will be back." Then he was gone.

"What is going to happen to us, Naruto-kun?" Sai whimpered, his entire body shaking like a leaf.

"Oh! We'll probably get forty lashes!" Naruto wailed in fright, his body also shaking.

"Oh no!" Sai cried. A mental image of himself then appeared in front of his face, showing a very sad-looking Sai sporting forty extra eyelashes, with mean people pointing and laughing at him.

"Oh, I'm sorry, Sai! Pervy Sage is so right! There's no need for words like that!" Naruto said, trying to sound calm.

"I am sorry too, Naruto-kun," whispered Sai, the image still bouncing obnoxiously around his head.

"Let's make a vow, Sai! From this day forth, the foul word shall never pass our lips! We will be good villagers, just like good old Pervy Sage!" cheered Naruto, raising a fist in the air.

"Agreed!" joined in Sai after he managed to shoo away the dancing image. They shook hands to seal their word.

Suddenly, Jiraiya reappeared. He was holding a ladder, paintbrushes and several cans of paints under his arms.

"All right, you two foul-mouths! As punishment for fouling the air in my restaurant with your foul words, you're going to give the _Better Than Ichiraku's Ramen Shop_ a fresh coat of paint, from top to bottom."

Since he was busy talking without looking where he was going, he painfully stubbed his foot on a badly-placed rock.

The two boys jumped in surprise when Jiraiya let out a blood-curling scream, and began to shout obscenities as he hopped around on one foot, the paint supplies scattered all around him.

"OW! My _**censored**_ foot! Who put that censored rock there! What **censored** genius put that _censored_ rock there! Can't you censored see I've got a _**censored**_ foot here?"

It was now Sai's turn to squirm in absolute terror as he hid behind Naruto's back, while said ninja began to count the words on his fingers.

As Sai tried to go into his happy place, Naruto realized the old coot had said the thirteen bad words at least ten times.

"Whoa! That's all thirteen, Sai!"

Now that Jiraiya was no longer screaming words that would make even the scurviest of seadogs cringe, the two teens exchanged triumphant looks.

"We're gonna tell your mom, Pervy Sage!" Naruto shouted out.

"What! No, not her! Anyone but her!" screamed Jiraiya in panic.

_Ah, looks like our two little ones have not learned of the horrible consequences that follow those who squeal and tattletale…  
_

_Let us see what Jiraiya's mom looks like, shall we?_

Soon, the two baboons, I mean boys, were at Jiraiya's mama's house, and began to bang on the front door with their fists.

"Jiraiya's mom! Jiraiya's mom!" Naruto screamed in an urgent voice.

"Jiraiya-sama's mother! Jiraiya-sama's mother!" Sai bellowed. Man, this has been one bizarre day for our little artist friend, has it not?

The door opened to reveal a woman that looked like a female and extremely wrinkly version of the Pervy Sage. In her hands was a copy of _Gorgeous and Sexy Men for Dummies_. There's the family resemblance!

With Jiraiya shouting like a buffoon in the background, the two boys told their psychotic version of the whole crazy story from last night to the point of where they were standing at the really old lady's doorstep.

When they were finished, Jiraiya wanted to beat up the two boys till no one in the whole Land of Fire would ever be able to recognize them again. Naruto somehow began to feel more like a man than ever but poor Sai, unaccustomed to such vulgar language, really wanted to drown himself in a pond filled with super-extra-strong liquid soap.

Jiraiya's mommy wasn't faring any better as she clutched at her chest in horror. "Oh dear… My poor old heart."

Jiraiya caught her just before she hit the ground as she fainted.

"Oh, dear mother… What have these foul-mouth heathens done to you?" he sobbed.

He turned his head angrily at Naruto and Sai, making them flinch. "You two should be ashamed! Making an old lady faint with your sailor talk!"

With a newfound burst of energy, Jiraiya's mama was back on her feet, pointing her own accusing finger at the newly-formed Gutter-Mouth Brothers.

"You should all be ashamed! And if you're going to talk like sailors, then you're going to work like sailors!"

She then inched a wee bit closer to the trembling Sai, "I might go easier on you, hot stuff! Rowr!"

As the old lady winked, Sai screamed like a little girl and passed out on the grass.

_See? Squealing and telling on your friends brings nothing but trouble._

A few minutes later, Jiraiya was busy painting the top part of the house. Sai, who was now left scarred for life, was nervously working on the porch, while Naruto was happily repainting the grass orange.

Seeing them hard at work, Jiraiya's mama went to get them a deserved pitcher of lemonade. Just like Jiraiya, she didn't bother to look where she was going, and ended up also stubbing her old foot on a… pebble?

"YEOW! My _**not-really-censored**_ foot!" screamed the old woman.

The three sailor mouths gasped.

"Mother!" scolded Jiraiya.

"What? It's just Old Man Jenkins in his new tractor," explained Jiraiya's mama defensively, pointing at an old geezer in a bright red tractor. He was happily honking his horn, which made the same blaring sound that had covered the woman's cries of pain a moment ago.

With that, Naruto, Sai and Jiraiya laughed and chortled loudly. As Sakura passed them by on her way to visit Lady Tsunade, she concluded that men were freaking idiots.

"OF COURSE MEN ARE IDIOTS! WE WOMEN SHALL RULE THIS WORLD ONE OF THESE DAYS!" screeched Inner Sakura gleefully.

_Begin Unnecessary Epilogue Thingy…_

"Phew! We're finally finished! Let's get some ramen, Sai!" cheered Naruto that evening. "And let's be sure to get it from Ichiraku!" he added evilly.

"If you say so, Naruto-kun," Sai said rubbing one of his many Scooby Doo band-aids. (AW!)

As they were slurping their food, Naruto suddenly stopped, his noodles hanging halfway out of his mouth.

"Is something the matter, Naruto-kun?" Sai asked worriedly.

"Whoops! I just remembered I sent Gaara a letter last night!" Naruto said in horror.

"But that's a good thing, isn't it?" Sai was confused now.

"Well, see… It was right after we thought that word number 11 was a sentence-enhancer… I wanted to show off my new fancy wording skills to Gaara, so I did. I really gave him a 'spicy sentence sandwich'!"

"Oh dear…" Sai muttered shaking his head.

_Meanwhile, at Suna Village…_

"Ooh, look! It's a letter from Naruto-kun to Gaara-sama!" shouted Sari excitedly.

"Wow, I wonder what it says!" Matsuri joined in.

"Well, let's take it to him and see!" Sari said determinedly, giving her bandana a tug.

"I want to hold Gaara-sama's letter!" Matsuri challenged with a pull on the envelope.

"I found it first!" Sari pulled back.

_A few hours and two fangirl fights later…_

"Gaara-sama! Gaara-sama! We have a letter for you!" came the two muffled voices of the brunette girls as they tapped on the door to the Kazekage's office.

Looking up from his mountain of paperwork, Gaara said in his dignified voice, "Come in."

He heard two disturbing squeals and he could've sworn he heard two thumps hit the floor.

Some seconds later, the door opened. The two girls were covered in scratches, and both sported two black eyes.

"We got a letter for you from Naruto-kun," Matsuri said swooningly; she and Sari handed the abused envelope to the young Kazekage.

They nearly had another fainting spell when Gaara took the envelope from them and opened it slowly.

"Should we leave?" Matsuri asked Sari in a low voice.

"No way! First we hear everything that Naruto-kun said in his letter, then we bask in Gaara-sama's handsomeness some more, then we leave!" Sari said, her pupils somehow having been replaced with pink hearts.

The younger girl nodded in agreement at the flawless plan.

Their hands flew to their mouths in horror when their leader began to read the letter out loud, which went something like this…

_Hiya, Gaara!_

_How the __**censored**__ are ya? I __**censored**__ learned this __**censored **__new __**censored**__ word called a __**censored**__ sentence-enhancer. You should try using it in __**censored **__conversations! It makes your __**censored**__ mouth __**censored **__tingle and everything!_

_Oh, try using it on your next __**censored **__meeting! But be __**censored **__sure to give yours __**censored **__truly (and __**censored **__Sai, I guess) some __**censored **__credit! If you don't, I'll __**censored**__ come and __**censored**__ haunt you! (just __**censored **__kidding)_

_Hey, have you __**censored **__found a __**censored **__girlfriend yet? Sakura-chan only __**censored **__beat me up twenty __**censored **__times today! That's two __**censored **__times less than yesterday! I __**censored **__told ya she __**censored **__loves me!_

_Whoops! My __**censored **__ramen's __**censored **__ready! Let's get __**censored **__together sometime!_

_Your __**censored **__pal, Naruto_

_P.S. __**Censored censored censored!**_

Matsuri was running circles around the room screaming, "My ears! My ears! Why would Naruto-kun write such a thing?"

Sari on the other hand said in anger, "Let's send that boy a ton of really strong bars of soap and have everyone in Konoha take turns in washing his mouth out with 'em!" She was absolutely outraged that anyone would send her beloved Kazekage such a rude and obscene letter.

Surprisingly, Gaara was smiling a little. Leave it to Naruto to learn something, have no idea what it really means, then show off his newfound knowledge to everyone that he could, no matter how big a fool he made of himself. He was very much certain that this was one of those many cases.

"It's all right, Sari," he said calmly as the longhaired girl was entering Phase 5 of Extreme Scary Mode.

"Huh!" demanded both girls; once Matsuri had stopped spinning around, that is.

"I am sure that by now Naruto has punished himself quite nicely," explained the redhead.

"I don't get it," Matsuri whispered to Sari, scratching the back of her head.

"It's the insanity of the moment speaking, I'm afraid…" she whispered back. Then, "Come, Matsuri! Let's get those bars of soap!" With that, she marched out the door with her head held high.

"Um, good day, Gaara-sama!" Matsuri managed shyly. Taking a few steps back, she shouted, "Wait for me, Sari! Let's hand-deliver them and wash Naruto-kun's mouth out ourselves!"

She ran, leaving behind a very flabbergasted and confused Kazekage.

Naruto, he may have figured out, but young teenage girls… That was a whole different matter for him.

"I think it's time I had a word with Kankurou…"

_Well, that's our story.  
_

_Yes, they are all idiots, aren't they?_

And, that's that for my SpongeBob/Naruto parody thingy! I hope I did okay with it. Like I said, I'm very rusty, so be gentle with your reviews… er, that is hoping that I get some this time around. _crosses fingers_

And please, please don't flame! If you want to give me tips and stuff that's fine, but flames are nothing but mean and discouraging words! No author ever wants to get them.

Just to make it clear, I like all the characters mentioned in this story! That includes Matsuri and Sari.

Besides Gaara (1st forever) and Lee (2nd forever), Sai is my favorite of the dudes, so yeah, that's another reason why I HAD to give him Patrick's role. (wasn't he just so cute when he thought Naruto was scared, and read his book of doom then tried to give him a hug? - looked more like a noogie to me. Ah, to be so blissfully innocent… That's Sai for ya)

Oh, before I forget, I want to give credit to MidnightSakuraBlossom18. It was her hilarious parody stories entitled, 'Who Killed the Kazekage?' and 'The Camping Fanfic' that inspired me to write my own SpongeBob/Naruto parody. Give them a read too. They're side-splittingly hilarious.

One last thing, if you really liked this parody and would like to see more, don't hesitate to give me a request or two, and I'll try my best. You'll get full credit, of course. Give me a try.


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